Bad Dreams
by Fight4JadeWest
Summary: Now I'm alone again.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. However, My friend's Uncle DID briefly work on iCarly. No joke.**

** A/N: I'm not sure how good this is. It started out as my Round-Five Bade prompt. That just didn't happen, though.**

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(Jade)

_The undead girl slinks through the nighttime fog in the park, slowly circling ever closer to her victim, the pretty girl, who was once her best friend. Scissors slash at the unprotected throat of the victim, her screams mixing with chokes and gurgles as she drowns in a puddle of her own blood. The girl laughs wickedly as she stomps on the face of her dead friend, grinning in satisfaction at the sound of crunching bones. _

The Scissoring is my favorite movie. It is the goriest, most horrifying display of vicious, bloodthirsty carnage ever made. Strange as it sounds, I use it to take my mind off things. I'd rather dream about my throat being mutilated with scissors than what normally has me waking up crying.

My parents never wanted me. I was a mistake. An accident. They raised me only halfway-involved in my life. When I was little, I would dream that my parents had abandoned me, each dream more vivid and horrible than the last. I would be hurled off the backs of trains, drowned in rivers, and sealed in caves. Every one ended in my parents' laughter, cruel and satisfied—they'd gotten rid of me at last.

Beck was the only person who ever wanted me. He chased my bad dreams away. I felt loved, for once. Whenever I _did_ dream of abandonment, though, it was _him _throwing me off the back of the train. I would wake up crying just like I was five years old again, and I'd call him in the middle of the night, choking and sobbing and begging him not to leave me. He was always calm when I'd call, always gentle and reassuring. _No_, he'd never leave me. He loves me. He will _always_ want me.

The first time I watched The Scissoring was with Beck. Along with being enraptured with the death and blood, I was overwhelmed with the joy of spending time with someone who didn't look at me like I was a piece of trash that missed the garbage can.

Horror movies were what I turned to when I couldn't have Beck. Sure, they gave me nightmares, but they weren't as real or scary as the dreams featuring Beck suddenly hating and beating me. Even when I was with him, though, I'd jolt awake in the night with tears in my eyes. Even with his arms around me while I slept, even when I was happy, I feared losing him. He protected me. He loved me. He saw worth in me. I couldn't live without him. I _couldn't_ survive if there was no one in this world who loved me.

In a sick way, being terrified by things other than my own dreams became my security blanket. I began collecting the things in my room and watching horror movies. Even though it scared and disgusted me, I relish in the repulsion. Who knows why? I mean, I guess it reassured me. _At least my life wasn't_ that_ crappy. At least I didn't have an undead best friend coming to kill me. At least no one actually_ wanted _to__ kill me._

But now...now I'm alone again. Even Beck got sick of me. Even _he _doesn't want me anymore. Maybe I really _am _worthless. Everything I love turns away from me. I still love Beck, more than anything. He's still my everything, deep down. All those times that I lashed out at him and fought with him...they were out of fear. I thought he was slipping away from me and, in the end, it was that fear that separated us for good.

It was worse than every scenario concocted by my subconscious mind. I think it would have been easier if he actually _had_ thrown me off a train. In a fit of anger, I left.

And Beck didn't follow.

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**A/N:** **Well? Enjoy it? Hate it? You know what I'm going to say. So...just, you know, review. I need to know how you feel. I'm like some annoying therapist. But seriously, I don't write these for my own health. It's nice to know that there's an intelligent life form reading this somewhere.**

**I hope this made sense. That's a serious concern when you write at four in the morning. **

**Did I mention this was going to be a two-part story? The next chapter is Beck's POV. It's about half-finished right now.**


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